I don’t miss my ex-husband, but I do miss my dreams.

Photo by Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash

I still have a shared iPhone calendar with my ex-husband. We use it to keep track of the kids’ activities. Yesterday, I was looking ahead at the week, and I saw “Anniversary” on the calendar for today. It would have been 13 years.

I clicked on it and hit delete. It was a recurring event, so my phone asked me if I wanted to delete just this one, or all future events.

“Delete forever”, I thought, and selected all future events.

In July, it will be one year since my divorce has been final. I’ve heard people say that the…

Sometimes you can tell by simply looking around you.

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I saw a meme the other day that said:

“The people you lose during your healing process are only meant to be with the unhealed version of you.”

Losing certain relationships can be difficult, but it is a key sign of growth.

This applies in any type of relationship, but especially to romantic relationships.

It is possible to hide aspects of ourselves from friends and acquaintances. But in a romantic relationship, we can only hide for so long before everything comes out.

Our romantic partners are our mirrors, and they trigger our deepest wounds.

Toxic people are unhealed people who…

When you feel good about yourself, you just don’t care.

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When we judge others, we are condemning them for doing something we disagree with or disapprove of. The condemnation is done out of our own fear or our own shame, as it is possible to disagree with the actions of others without condemning them.

When we do not feel comfortable with ourselves and with our own lives, we fear the decisions of others. We unconsciously believe that if others choose differently than how we would choose, there is something wrong with us. Therefore, we must condemn them in our minds.

When we are confident with ourselves and our lives, we…

Your partner is not a child.

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There are many components of a healthy relationship, but the foundation of a relationship is safety and trust.

Without safety, and without trust, there is no relationship.

It does not matter what other great characteristics exist in the relationship. Good compatibility, amazing sex, shared goals, etc. If a relationship lacks safety and trust, it will not be a healthy relationship.

And one major thing that undermines safety and trust is punishment.

A healthy, adult relationship should not include any form of punishment.

Punishment can take many forms. It can include outright threats to do something to hurt your partner, either…

Not everyone is a good match, and that’s ok.

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Every person has a deep need to be seen, to be heard, and to be known.

This need can be unconscious and can go unrecognized. We often confuse it with a need to be liked, validated, and approved of.

But it is not the same thing.

Sometimes we seek the acceptance of others by presenting a false self. The perfectly curated social media image, crafted in a way to maximize the number of likes.

The likes may provide us with a fleeting ego boost. But deep down it will feel empty.

Because it is.

Most of our social media “friends”…

What is really behind our need to control?

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“Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender”

~ Eckhart Tolle

Reality sucks sometimes. Things don’t go as planned. People don’t do what we want them to. Our hopes and dreams go up in smoke, as we stare at the smoldering ashes.

The most peaceful path to take when things don’t go our way is to accept reality, process our emotions, and move forward.

But often, that isn’t what happens. Often, we fight reality instead of accepting it.

We try to cajole and change things or people into what…

I thought I was lost, but I was just on the wrong path.

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When I woke up today, my house was quiet. My kids are with their dad, and he is bringing them over later this morning.

I felt a sadness as I woke up to an empty house. There were no kids running into my bedroom, wishing me Happy Mother’s Day.

Only silence, except for the chirping of birds outside.

Yesterday I went to the store and bought what I wanted to eat today. A premade lasagna from a specialty Italian market. A cheese tray and a fruit tray. A cake.

Everything already made for me, so I would not have to…

Have you abandoned yourself for the sake of everyone but you?

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In her book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly,” Bronnie Ware, a palliative nurse, writes about how the number one regret dying people had was not living a life true to themselves. Instead they lived a life based on the expectations of other people.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die…

Could post-Covid life be something different?

Photo by Amos G on Unsplash

As Covid restrictions are lifting, life is returning to busy. Last spring most kids’ sports were either halted or attendance was restricted. Now as I am one of many spectators at the Little League and flag football fields, life appears to be completely back to normal.

As a divorced, working mom, life never actually slowed down during Covid. My kids’ schools were shut down, and then shifted to a hybrid schedule. I have been fortunate to be able to work from home this entire time, but the workload still hummed along as normal.

Covid life was still busy. Too busy…

We can run from our feelings, but we can’t hide.

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Toxic positivity has grown extensive roots during the pandemic. As many people are faced with extremely difficult and stressful circumstances, we are told to stay positive and be grateful.

And while it is helpful to keep a positive attitude and to practice gratitude, there is nothing wrong with experiencing negative emotions.

Having feelings, both negative and positive, are part of the human experience. The denial and repression of negative emotions contributes to a myriad of maladaptive behaviors.

Our ability to feel positive emotions is limited by the depth that we can feel negative emotions. …

Julie Lynn

Writer. Runner. Yogi.

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