At a primal level, we are wired for comfort, safety, and approval, as those were the things that helped to ensure our survival in our caveman days.
As we move through modern life, we are no longer at a high risk of bear attacks, and we don’t actually need to cling to a tribe and play it safe.
But often, we still want to.
It may not be an actual bear chasing us, but our behavior is being driven by the fear of the metaphorical bear in the form of rejection, failure, and disappointment.
Often there is a risk to…
At the end of 2020, my three kids and I were quarantined due to COVID exposure. While we were quarantined, I had the bright idea to put a bunch of cooked kale down my garbage disposal.
Years before, I had clogged the drain when I put a bunch of pasta down the garbage disposal. It was an extremely bad and deep clog, and a plumber had to come to snake the drain. So I knew that pasta was a no-go, but I figured kale would be fine.
I was very wrong.
I was quarantined in my house with three young…
My four year old loves to draw rainbows. We’ll sit outside on the driveway and draw rainbows with chalk. Or we’ll sit on the floor inside and draw rainbows on paper with markers. Over and over, we draw rainbows. I am constantly finding rainbow drawings all over my house.
Not every storm is followed by a rainbow, but every storm is eventually followed by sunshine. No matter how strong the winds and the rain, the lightening and the thunder, eventually the dark clouds clear, and the sun shines again.
This past year has been one of the hardest, but also…
My kids keep asking why I’m so excited for school to be over.
“It’s been hard,” I say, not quite sure how to convey to a child what it’s been like to be a parent during Covid.
“It’s hard to get my brother on meets?” my daughter asks.
“Yes,” I say.
For sure it has been hard to be a personal assistant to my kindergartener while also trying to manage my own workload and schedule. To get him to do his “independent work.” To get him on meets and keep him on meets. There were countless times where I would…
I recaulked my shower recently. I’m not very good at DIY projects, but the shower had not been recaulked in almost 13 years. And the mold that was trapped in the caulk was impossible to clean. So I figured I would give it a go.
It would have been nice if I could have simply put new caulk on top of the old caulk and been done with it. It might have looked better on the surface, but the old mold still would have been there, lurking underneath.
Before I could apply the new caulk, I had to rip out…
I still have a shared iPhone calendar with my ex-husband. We use it to keep track of the kids’ activities. Yesterday, I was looking ahead at the week, and I saw “Anniversary” on the calendar for today. It would have been 13 years.
I clicked on it and hit delete. It was a recurring event, so my phone asked me if I wanted to delete just this one, or all future events.
“Delete forever”, I thought, and selected all future events.
In July, it will be one year since my divorce has been final. I’ve heard people say that the…
I saw a meme the other day that said:
“The people you lose during your healing process are only meant to be with the unhealed version of you.”
Losing certain relationships can be difficult, but it is a key sign of growth.
This applies in any type of relationship, but especially to romantic relationships.
It is possible to hide aspects of ourselves from friends and acquaintances. But in a romantic relationship, we can only hide for so long before everything comes out.
Toxic people are unhealed people who…
When we judge others, we are condemning them for doing something we disagree with or disapprove of. The condemnation is done out of our own fear or our own shame, as it is possible to disagree with the actions of others without condemning them.
When we do not feel comfortable with ourselves and with our own lives, we fear the decisions of others. We unconsciously believe that if others choose differently than how we would choose, there is something wrong with us. Therefore, we must condemn them in our minds.
When we are confident with ourselves and our lives, we…
There are many components of a healthy relationship, but the foundation of a relationship is safety and trust.
Without safety, and without trust, there is no relationship.
It does not matter what other great characteristics exist in the relationship. Good compatibility, amazing sex, shared goals, etc. If a relationship lacks safety and trust, it will not be a healthy relationship.
And one major thing that undermines safety and trust is punishment.
A healthy, adult relationship should not include any form of punishment.
Punishment can take many forms. It can include outright threats to do something to hurt your partner, either…
Every person has a deep need to be seen, to be heard, and to be known.
This need can be unconscious and can go unrecognized. We often confuse it with a need to be liked, validated, and approved of.
But it is not the same thing.
Sometimes we seek the acceptance of others by presenting a false self. The perfectly curated social media image, crafted in a way to maximize the number of likes.
The likes may provide us with a fleeting ego boost. But deep down it will feel empty.
Because it is.
Most of our social media “friends”…
Writer. Runner. Yogi.