Love ain’t you on a sidewalk in your new dress all alone
Love ain’t you calling me because he ain’t picking up his phone
The way you’re talking sounds like he’s somebody you should hate
I may not know what love is girl, but I know what love ain’t
~ Eli Young Band
For a romantic relationship to exist between two people, both people must be at the same level of emotional maturity. This can be low maturity or high maturity, but the level of maturity between the two must be comparable.
The reason for this is simple. A person with high emotional maturity will not put up with low emotional maturity behaviors such as drama and disrespect. They will leave once the low emotional maturity person begins to show their true colors.
Healthy does not stick to unhealthy.
But unhealthy does stick to unhealthy.
Someone with low emotional maturity will be drawn to another person with low emotional maturity.
Like attracts like.
And while the behaviors of the two people can differ drastically, they are often two sides of the same coin, such as the relationship between a narcissist and a codependent.
Yes, the narcissist is the abusive one. But both the narcissist and the codependent lack boundaries. They both carry unhealed wounds. They both utilize maladaptive coping mechanisms. They are both toxic in their own ways.
A toxic relationship can seem amazing at first. The highs feel so good because the other person is numbing all prior unresolved pain. But eventually reality sets in. The other person falls off the pedestal. The couple starts hitting lows.
And the lows are very low.
A healthy relationship is not a roller coaster ride. It has its bumps. It has its disagreements. But healthy love is calm, stable, supportive, open, accepting, honest, loyal, respectful, kind, and safe.
Healthy love does not leave doubts. Healthy love does not attack. Healthy love does not threaten. Healthy love does not dismiss. Healthy love does not gaslight. Healthy love does not stonewall…